Reminder

Even though it's only been a week, work-wise, it's been a shitty year. Arguments that I have had to settle, clients (what the hell, I'm not even supposed to deal with your clients) that are unhappy due to other people's fuckups, friends leaving the company, interns quitting (after four days of work, fuck!), deadlines that were pushed up, the boss cracking the whip and admonishing my lack of "leadership and management skills" as the reason for not being able to meet deadlines. (Uh no, it's because unlike your 'fucking pride and joy' title, I can't just copy off my sister titles and actually need time to sit down and bang these bloody features out.)

In all, I'm not a happy camper and I'm just trying to scrape on through.

I'm a person that is driven by my emotions and how I feel, much to Dave's chargin at times. Sometimes he doesn't understand how I can so easily flip on a switch, say yes or cancel an appointment just because I "feel like it". Sometimes even I don't understand how I can get worked up and annoyed over what seems to other people to be like small issues - see my recent arguments with Soren over how he spends his time between LCSD days and his girlfriend last year - when at the back of my brain, my rational self is going, "Chill the fuck out dude!!".

So I'm writing this as a reminder to myself in case I ever forget how this feels like, sitting here at my computer at 11:06pm, trying to finish this opinion piece on how HR policies can hinder or help yada yada yada. You know what? I don't really care. I'm pissed off at how things have turned out, the corner I might have inadvertently created for myself, the lack of general support, the usual drill.

So in the future, if I think back about why I never really took up the chance to relocate to KL or Hong Kong despite my boss's expressed "disappointment" in me, I hope this post will remind me why I didn't do so.

It's because if I had to choose between a place/vocation/career opportunity which creates a negative environment for me and being with Dave, who makes me happy and someone who I enjoy spending time with, then it's going to be Dave every fucking single time.

This much I know is true.