Last night, she said...

Last night, I told my mother about my plans in the future, and she asked me as to why I was making it. Somehow I couldn't articulate why I am pushing forward with these plans.

But I think I do now.

It's because I haven't been happy in quite some time. Even if nothing tragic or drastic happens, I leave each day with the deep sense of disappointment, sometimes anger, sometimes frustration, or all of the above. And it affects me and my entire life, the way I interact with people, my feeling of self-worth. I'm constantly questioning if something is wrong with me, if I'm ever made to be happy or content.

The worst part is I don't know when this started, how it started, or why it is what it is. But what I do know is that I never used to feel this way, and that it has to stop.

Soon.