The thing about birthdays is that you never really feel that you've gotten a year older, or gained a year's worth of experience or wisdom overnight. I think it has been especially true this year since the only things I did today was work (sent out an article to Mel!), negotiate on possible new freelance projects, watch a couple of Mad Men episodes and try to sleep off this flu bug. Not exactly a day of great self-introspection or self-discovery.
But I don't know what it is, but somehow I am less inclined to feel that I am stuck in a state of arrested development, unlike other years when I felt like a kid playing grown-up and viewing LH as a 'school' (because there was a point where everyone was somewhat single, around the same age band and drinking ourselves silly at media parties).
Maybe it's the freelancing gig, where I now have more responsibility to myself to get shit done. Maybe it's because I worry about things like money, passive income and cashflow (if only people paid freelancers on time!).
But I have to say that my life in general is pretty good. There are bad days when all I want to do is curl up underneath the duvet and sleep, and there are bad habits that I need to quit (like checking emails first thing in the morning even before I brush my teeth or pee). But there are also good days, such as the recent realisation that there are so many dysfunctional relationships and families out there, and that I am truly happy, lucky and privileged to have all these special people around me. There are those great days when work just kicks up a notch and there's a buzz of lingering happiness after completing a good story, conducting a good interview or teaching a class and feeling that they've learned something..
Or sometimes it is just the dizzy heady afterglow from beer (it typically takes two Erdingers to hit that sweet spot!) and having great friends all around you..
Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing enough in my twenties. Not meeting enough people, not accepting enough jobs, not going out enough, not saying yes to opportunities.. But then again, life isn't a sprint but a marathon. So while I think I would like to try living in a new country for a while, I'm not going to kick myself over the missed opportunities like not agreeing to work in KL.
Life's too short for regrets.
But there are still things I want to accomplish, boxes I want to tick.. and somehow I actually feel that I am better suited to achieve these goals now that I'm a freelancer...and that is really exciting...
But anyway, here's a post by a yoga blogger Nadine Fawell on what makes an adult a grown-up.. It's a post that I really like.. :)
- Realising that what other people think of you is none of your business. You are not on this earth to be liked by everyone. That said, have opinions and make judgements, and be OK with that. It’s fine not to like everyone, just as it’s fine that not everyone likes you. Oh, how I wish I had this one down.
- Putting greater store on being respected than being approved of.
- Understanding what healthy boundaries are and maintaining them. With a certain amount of discomfort if necessary. I battle with this one too. On account of still wanting to be universally liked. One day, I will totally root out my people-pleasing tendencies and then I will be able to count myself as a Real Grownup.
- Expressing your sexuality for yourself, in a way that is a celebration of life, and not some attempt to please or manipulate. I’ve run into a few people with serious issues in this regard. Folks, I’m here to tell you that therapy is worthwhile. Get some. Grownups don’t go around messing with other people’s feelings because they are too selfish or immature or whatever to admit to what they are doing.
- Taking responsibility for your finances. I think I’ve had this more-or-less under, um, control for a long time, on account of being (cough) a control freak. But I agree with Burk Krohe when he talks about a lack of a job being embarrassing. Dudes, you are grown up. Don’t be leeching off anyone else. Not your wife, not your mother/father/aunt/housemates. They probably won’t be around when you are old. In fact, if you keep leeching off them, they definitely won’t, and who will look after you then?
- Learning to cook, or, at the very least, assemble food. Again, it’s Not a Good Idea to rely on someone else to nourish you. In any case,cooking is fun, and the food you make at home is invariably tastier and cheaper than takeaways or restaurant food.
- Keeping your houseplants alive.
- Getting enough sleep, taking your vitamins, doing enough exercise, generally taking care of your health. You don’t have to do this when you are 18 (all-nighters, anyone? Two or three nights in a row?) but as anyone in their thirties can attest, this state of affairs can’t last. I get three hours of sleep, and I am wrecked for days afterwards.
